Breaking News: Tory threat level to the economy increased…

Wanted: Have you seen these two men? They are wanted in connection with a list of crimes against Britain's poorest and endangering the British economy

In a shock move last night, Ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer and now Minister for Justice, Kenneth Clarke raised the threat level that the Conservative Party poses to the British economy from ‘very serious’ to ‘potentially life-threatening’. In-between a swig of whisky and a drag on a Cuban cigar, Clarke said;

“These jokers really haven’t got a clue. George Osborne is a very dangerous man indeed when it comes to Britain’s economic growth. If you see him approach with caution and definitely do not given him anything with a sharp edge because he will cut without regard for public safety of the health of his own Party.”

Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, added to the growing clamour for this threat to be ended;

“You see my hair? Well, that was jet-black until I saw ‘slasher-Osborne’s’ spending proposals for London. Now look at it.”

Osborne was last seen rampaging around Whitehall gibbering incoherently about finding a Fox (or maybe that was Liam Fox). He is aided and abetted by the ringleader of this gang who is known only as David Cameron. Cameron has been in hiding in a dark corner of Westminster for several years now and is often seen using the disguise of a hoody to effect some kind of ‘coolness’. Friend and glove pup….err friend of Cameron, Nick Clegg, could not disclose his whereabouts;

“Last time I saw him he was headed towards Ikea to get some more furniture so we can bond some more over the destruction of Britain and building cheap and cheerless furniture.”

Clegg then donned a false moustache, looked from side-to-side in a shifty manner, and hopped onto the next train to Birmingham. Under no circumstances should you approach these men or allow them to formulate government policy on the economy.

What the Conservatives and their Lib Dem pets are doing to Britain isn’t technically a crime but it damn well should be….

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About darrellgoodliffe

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