Breaking News: Miliband to resign
In a move that will rock the political world, Ed Miliband has confirmed he is to resign as leader of the Labour Party. A tearful Miliband announced the move in a BBC interview;
Paxman: “So, Ed or David, how would you respond to criticisms of your leadership?”
Ed: “Well, I’ve decided to step-down. It was all going so well then I saw Polly Toynbee write that I was ‘on the right track’. This convinced me I had to go, for the good of the Party”.
Toynbee, the illegitimate child of King Midas and occasional Guardian columnist, declined to comment. Prime Minister David Cameron was saddened to here of his opposite numbers departure:
“He was the only thing that made me and this government look good”.
Sources close to the Labour leader vented their fury:
“We pray every night for the day that Polly will put her kettle on, shut her trap and join the Conservatives”.
Larry the Ex-Downing Street Cat has already thrown his hat into the ring to replace Miliband. He left Number 10 after Cameron through a fork at a passing rat and it hit Larry in the eye. He refused to comment but muttered ‘I’ll get the upper-class yobbo yet’.
Happy New Year to all my readers